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Hi NGTrends Readers,
Some backstory. My wife and I met 20 years ago in secondary school. We are both 35 and dated for 12 years before getting married. Our daughter was born 6 years ago just after we bought our house together. Our relationship has never been perfect but we always worked through our problems. Currently I thought things were pretty good. I had just received a large cash sum from selling some of my properties (my idea not hers). We have paid off all debt, we share all finances. That being said I did just come off a round of high dose steroids to treat a reoccurring Auto Immune issue. During the treatment I know I can be irritable and kind of a dick sometimes, she knows this as well.
For the past few weeks I’ve been getting increasingly suspicious of her activities on her phone. Typically we are very open with going through each others digital life. Phones, passwords, emails texts etc.. But she has been reluctant as of late to be so open. Thursday I had finally reached a point where I decided to snoop. After comparing some text and call logs I noticed that conversations with a married friend of ours had been deleted. He is a neighbor with my wife’s mother and has 2 boys who are close friends with our daughter. We hang out at their house maybe once a month but see them far more often when picking up our daughter; who plays in her grandmothers yard with the neighbors sons. My daughter is there 3 times a week after school for a few hours a day.
I confronted her and she denied. I left the house and went to a hotel for the night; she did try to stop me. After some more snooping and recalling I found the increased conversations started around the beginning of October. During that time they texted a lot, almost always late at night after I had been asleep. I know during that time frame they had a possible opportunity to do something more than text on the phone once. The night in question I can see she was in the area of his house for an hour. However she said she was at her mothers which could be true. That same night she called him 3 times. This is the only time they actually talked on the phone, the rest of the interactions were all texts. She was at their house a few others times, but this is the only time I believe they both had an opportunity.
The next day I went back home and we talked and she said that they had started texting about fantasy football; we are all in a league together. From there it turned into venting about marital problems they both had. She explained it as he was a close friend to vent to about me and get an honest male opinion. She insisted that the relationship was no more than friends, nothing sexual about it. Wanting to believe her I agreed to stay under a few circumstances. She had to be an open book and give me access to everything in her life and she had to cut off all contact with him immediately. She agreed and blocked his phone number on her phone; I verified she did. I ask if there is anything else she is leaving out at all, now is the time to tell me. She says there is nothing left to say that I know everything. The rest of the weekend is rather boring, food shopping, work and kids activities etc.. All the while we are still talking about it and trying to work through it.
This morning she got into the shower before me. I decided to have a look on her phone only to find a new text message from him. It read as follows “You ok gorgeous? Haven’t heard back from you beautiful? Is everything ok with the most most beautiful girl I have ever seen?? “. Obviously the relationship was far more than she was telling me. I confronted her again and she tried to explain it away as him joking around. I don’t buy it.
What do you think? What would you do in my shoes short term and long term? Also would you let the neighbors wife know what I know?