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Hi NGTrends Readers,
I have a drinking problem and got way too drunk the other night. I blacked out after taking a few shots. The next morning I woke up and couldn’t remember the rest of the night, I was in bed with my boyfriend with tight jeans and a top on. He told me that at the end of the night I’d gotten way too out of hand and that I had started crying about how happy I was in our relationship. I was embarrassed and apologized but didn’t press the issue further.
He’d been his usual self to me the next day and the day after we hung out again and he was affectionate as usual. Once we went to bed, though, he told me that he was worried about me and my drinking, that I had raped him the other night when I blacked out. He said that I’d been trying to have sex with him and he had said no, he passed out and then woke up to me on top of him, with him inside me. I then stopped.
I am absolutely horrified with myself and have never hated myself more than now. I haven’t been trying to really stop drinking but I’m going to do my best to start on that today. He is not upset with me. He spent most of the night consoling me because of how awful I felt. He says he knows I made a mistake and he forgives me. He says he still wants to be with me and loves me.
What do I do now? How can I possibly make this up to him? How can I make this OK? All night and this morning I felt awful even touching him because I didn’t want to hurt him. How could I have done this? He says he still wants to see me tonight, and as much as I want to should I stay away from him? Should I continue to talk to him about this? He doesn’t seem too concerned with it but I mean how could we let something like this just drop?