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Hello NGTrends Readers,
Ok, so on a jealousy scale of 1-10, I would rate myself 1 as I hardly get jealous. I’m very friendly, open, understanding and so it is easy for me to let things slide. It has worked for me in the past as I build so much trust in my relationships and for some reason, none of my 3 exes cheated on me (not that I found out anyway). Maybe there is this law of ‘Labeling and The Self-fulfilling Prophecy’ that takes place whereby because a guy knows that you trust him, he does not want to let you down. The point however is I’m a trusting girl and I’m a fun and free person so I don’t give any guy close marking and this has worked for me in the past. I have loads of friends and prefer having a life outside my relationship so I’m generally not clingy.
I started dating Ola in February and frankly, I have nothing wrong to report regarding the way he treats me. He is everything I have wanted in a man and I won’t even bother trying to list out his many virtues. I love and appreciate him. There is one issue however: his ex, Lola.
They broke up in 2011 after 2 years of dating. As soon as they broke it off, they both started dating other people but by early 2012, they were back together only to break up again in October of the same year. But since their ‘break up’, nothing much has changed in respect of the frequency of their contact and in fact, their friendship seems to have gone stronger.
I didn’t know either of them until New Years’ Day this year where I met Ola at a mutual friend’s party so a lot of the initial information I got was based on ‘gist’. My friend who knew them from living in the Estate with them gave me stories of how tight they were and how no one can really put their fingers on any changes in the way they relate since their breakup. It is as though nothing had happened.
Now, let’s disregard all the gist I have heard and focus on what I have seen with my own eyes. Lola and his three sisters are practically best of friends. They all went to same secondary school together and so were friends even before Ola started dating her. In fact, as you probably guessed, they met through his sisters and her frequent visits to their home back in the day. This was since 2006 so basically, Lola has known their family for 9years. They have all blended in nicely so much so that their parents are friends too.
I have several instances of where their ‘harmless closeness’ has gotten on my last nerve. For instance, there was a day I came to Ola’s as early as 9am on a Saturday as we were supposed to attend my cousin’s wedding together only for me to find Lola vacuuming the living room in her night gown, her REVEALING night gown. His sisters too were doing one chore or the other in their nighties too which probably were revealing as well but still, all I could see was Lola and her indecent look. I couldn’t help having a frown all the way to the church. I later found out that sleepovers are the norm with them and her parents. I was less than pleased with this revelation. I told Ola and all he could say is that they are more than exes, they are family friends too and that I should stop seeing her as Lola, his ex girlfriend and more like Lola, his sisters’ friend and their tight family friend.
I don’t know why but this bothers me a whole lot. She is single as we speak and I know how they went back to each other even when they had both ‘moved on’ into other relationships. Aside of being family friends, they are close friends. They call each other about everything. We would be together and bang!, she would call him to rant about her car AC that is not getting so cold anymore. He too has made some calls to her in my presence that makes me reel in anger. The other day, he called her to moan about his monthly targets at work and how he is yet to meet them. They talk about the most important things; they talk about the most mundane things. And all these scare me. I have this feeling that I am deceiving myself and that they will still get back together.
His dad, mom and sisters are all very nice to me. But they have a different type of relationship with Lola. Lola is an only child and is practically like their fourth daughter. They laugh with her, share so many memories, they know all the people they gist about (which I have absolutely no idea about). They know each others’ relatives and vice versa, his mom scolds her like one of the girls and sometimes the girls even fight like sisters do. All these worry me a great deal and I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. I know he cares for me but I don’t know how I can be totally at peace with such a strong bond between them.
On my birthday last month, he got me the most amazing and thoughtful gift ever. I was so impressed with it but as soon as I found out that Lola picked it out for me, I immediately hated it. He got mad at me for my reaction and said I have to accept that Lola is like his sister and it was as good as his sister picking out a present for me. I didn’t think so. I don’t think so.
I could go on and on about how tightly knit their little clan is, how Lola features in so many pictures in their family album from when she was just a teenager, how she has loads of pictures wearing aso ebi with them, how even on their dad’s iPad, her pictures are littered everywhere under ‘Kids’ folder, how his mom can call her to help her buy something and bring it over to theirs (they live a few streets from each other) without thinking about it twice, how she picks up their landline and almost every time I have witnessed this, she knew the person calling and they gisted for a while before passing the phone to whomever was being called, how his parents contributed towards her grandma’s burial. It is actually upsetting. I feel very irritated by it all but he seems to think I’m being unreasonable and jealous.
I don’t really say more than ‘hi’ to her though she seems to be going out of her way to be nice to me. I feel she is being condescending as though she sees my discomfort with the whole situation and takes pleasure in it. I feel as though at the end of the day, I will be the fool.
Please what do I do? I love Ola but I do not want to waste my time I am not more a kid.