This is a funny piece I read it twice already so I decided to share it with you guys. Its written by Victoria Ige.
I’m not sure Jude Abaga has asked anyone outside of his circle for advice on what to do now that he’s no longer just another rapper.
But being a good lady who loves to see good men succeed, I’ve put together some tips that’ll help the former chairman keep his job at CC.
1. Stop calling yourself ‘Chairman’. I mean, yes you’re now the chief executive officer. But you have a president (Audu Maikori) and chairman (Hakeem Belo-Osagie) so quit trying to be chairman and wait until that promotion comes. Or you may set up ‘Hot Rappers Nigeria Limited’ and be chairman of that. Please put Lord of Ajasa, Mode 9 and Dr. Fresh on the board. No they won’t strangle you.
2. Show us your woman. I mean, how many serious male executives here do you see without a female? Who’s going to be praying and fasting for you? I know you have more than enough prospects and you may even have narrowed down to a top three. But please hurry and pick one. No you can’t have two. Err, can you make sure she’s taller?
3. Stop sparring with common musicians. Don’t forget – you’re no longer just a rapper. You’re now the CEO of one of Africa’s top labels. Ignore Sinzu and Kelly and what have you. Make sure you pick subs from Godwin Emefiele, Tony Elumelu, Femi Otedola and Aliko Dangote. And make sure you treat their f*ck ups on Twitter. Don’t worry they’ll love the publicity and invite you to join the NESG and WEF and even more.
4. Don’t take any chieftaincy titles. Your village people are going to hear that you’ve now become CEO and they’ll come after your destiny. They’ll suddenly realize all the decorations those from your lineage are entitled to. And in their kindness they’ll want to bestow them all on you. Bros, don’t take it. What did I say? Do not take it. Ehen. Tell them you’re already a Chief in Chocolate City. If they keep asking ‘which village is that?’, please change your number.
5. Cancel all your endorsements. You want to be able to attend to all matters from all areas. Etisalat wants business? You’ve got it. MTN? You’ve got Bayo Adekanmbi on speed dial. You don’t want Globacom getting worried right? Tear their contract and return their money. It’s not up to half your fuel allowance from CC anyway. CEOs don’t get tied down by big brands. They own the brands! Ask yourself WWJD? (Yeah, What Would Jigga Do, bro!)
6. Finally one more thing you must do: send that Victoria Kimani girl my way. Let her pack for the weekend and bring plenty Vaseline. #Nohomo