Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (Akpors) welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at my bakery.
This is flight 126 Abuja to Lagos.
Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we might end up somewhere in the south. If luck is on your side, we may even end up landing in your village!
Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record.
In fact our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with great pleasure; I announce that since we started operation about 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off in flight.
We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television.
There is no smoking allowed in this plane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
We will be serving beans and plantain with Eve juice but Please be informed that you can’t use the toilet.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seatbelt.
For those of you who can’t find a seatbelt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat…